Fast Car- Tracy Chapman

Sometimes I think that the only way out of everything, is to just leave.
I just want to start over sometimes. Clean slate, fresh plate.. all of that.
I have a good life. I can't complain. I know this, and yet I cannot understand why it does not make me happy. I have a good family, a nice house, a good school. I have amazing friends and a boyfriend who makes me smile everyday. I have everything I always thought I would want.
Except for one thing.
He made me sad more than he made me happy.
But our future. The idea of that made me happy. I know it would have been amazing. It would have been everything I wanted out of a life. There would have been strawberry poptarts for breakfast, and a house by the ocean. There would have been years and years of travel. Dreams would have been followed. Love would be everywhere. There would been Lilly and Madeline. Noah and James. There would have been red silk sheets. There would have been music. Fights over whether we would listen to Neil Young or Billy Joel. There would be songs written for me, and novels written for him. Maybe about him.
It was all ideas, dreams, thoughts. I know this. Yet it's still hard to let go of it.
When you spend your whole life wanting something, and then it's given to you just for a moment. Just long enough for you to see how amazing it really is. How much you need it. It fills that part of you that you never knew was missing.
But now that part of me is gone. He is gone. I can't spend my whole life waiting for him. Yet I don't know what else to do. My purpose, has always been to wait for him. To be here when he comes. And now he is not coming, and I don't know what to do with myself.
Then I had my idea. I would leave. I would go somewhere where everything is different and new. Somewhere far away. So far away, that it will become impossible that I ever even knew him.
I know he will never disappear.
But I will get myself as far away as possible. Try my hardest.
This is why, I am applying for an exchange to Spain.